Me Talk English Pretty One Day
08 Nov 2011 Leave a Comment
in anecdote, US_citizen_thoughts Tags: IELTS, low key adventure, Permanent Residence, test taking
Be forewarned this will be all about my personal experience. So as I let slip before, I’ve gotten engaged to a Canadian. An obvious associated step is to get my permanent residency. Thankfully the same company that brought me from Florida to Ottawa will help with this process (instead of bothering with renewing my work visa). I was collecting together the things I was told to for the PR application (FBI record, forms that ask for every place that I’ve lived since turning 18, etc.) when I came across the item: IELTS test. What is this? The International English Language Testing System. So…you want me to prove I can speak English, my primary language? The fact that I got an advanced degree at an university where the only language was English isn’t sufficient? My college English classes isn’t enough? (As an aside, others have said they didn’t have to submit a test result, but I think the class of application for permanent residence I’m trying for does require this.) So right from the start my frame of mind is irked.
Irkedness continued with the test application. On one level I understand the security precautions, given it is used in official settings like residence applications, but that didn’t make me any happier having to get a passport photo to attach to the application. After submitting my application and paying the hefty fee (which thankfully my company will reimburse me for), I waited. In due time I was notified of the date of my test. I read over the things required of me, two number two pencils, an eraser, my passport. Sure no problem. The night before the test (a Friday) I start looking around and realize I have no non-mechanical pencils. I’m not particular to pen/pencil and paper anyway. On top of that since grade school I’ve always preferred mechanical pencils. So, no worries, I figured. I’d nip out, pick up some pencils and an eraser and pencil sharpener, and I’d be set. Not so. I discovered that we are in a post-non-mechanical-pencil world. This grocery store, that drug store, that grocery, that drug: no, no, no, no. Now I am somewhat desperate. I’m a bit tired and was hoping to go to bed early and instead I’m brainstorming on where to get pencils. I start going through boxes of my stuff still packed from the last move. I’m fairly certain I had a ‘real’ pencil two moves ago, but got rid of them in a fit of when-will-I-ever-use-this. Belatedly I put a request out into the social media ether. At this point I’ve ascertained that the art supply stores (which are the only places I can think of that would have what I need) are closed and won’t open till after the test starts the next morning. I didn’t think I was putting off a task to the last minute that had a chance of being difficult, but rudely awoken am I. Hark, a reply from the ether. Someone has the required pencils. At roughly the same time two things occur to me. One, I think my office has some real pencils. Two, I’m wiped and I need to go to bed right now. I thank my potential benefactor. I set my alarm a little early, so I’ll have a chance to swing by work, which is closer, and then a friend-in-pencils if that fails. Zzzz.
Other then some troublesome test taking dreams (in one I wasn’t supposed to have any electronic devices on me, so dream logically, I take off my pants with my cell phone in them, so I won’t get into trouble) I wake up rested. Zip over to work. Woo-hoo, ‘real’ pencils and eraser. Swing by grocery store that I tried last night, which had pencil sharpener but no pencils (huh?). Quick breakfast and I’m off. Arrive at the college campus where test is being given. Hmm. Last night I noticed that I didn’t see which room/building the test would be administered in my reply email. It was on the list of things to deal with but got sidetracked by pencil saga. I admit the next part is completely my fault, but I include it for completeness. Instead of calling number for IELTS, which has a Greater Toronto Area area code and might not be open but really it would be worth trying, I try entering the weekend-quite buildings to see if someone can direct me where to go. Then I get a couple of maybe-over-yonder answers, that are good guesses, but when I get yonder, turn out to be different language rooms. Okay, running low on time. Run back to car and call the number I ought to have to start with. In one last indignity I mentally flip the campus around in my head and essential go to the opposite side of the thankfully small campus. Now I’m running. With no time to spare (in fact I think I was a minute or two late, but I won’t argue them letting me in) I find the place I’m supposed to be. (Another side note, since then I’ve searched my email and realize that one reply had nothing useful, just information about me, but another reply existed and it had exactly the information that I needed).
The test. I’ll respect the testing company and won’t speak of particulars; however, I still have some thoughts. One was that even though I minored in German, even at my peak of German language knowledge, this test, were it in German, would have kicked my butt. Even as a native speaker, I admit that one or two of the listening comprehension questions caught me off guard. Granted I didn’t exactly study for this, so when they tried to get all clever with the question and additionally I didn’t quite catch a phrase, it lead to some guesses. So I don’t think I’ll be acing the test. I was also reminded of how much I don’t miss writing essays in test booklets (which I haven’t had to do since college). After three hours of listening, reading and writing we were dismissed and told to come back for a talking session throughout the afternoon. My test was four hours later, so I went home, ate junk food and napped. Back for the conversation testing section I have to say the choice of topics was odd. One part felt like a marketing survey. Another seemed like a strange shallow political discussion, where the question was somewhat provocative, but no, this is a testing environment, so we won’t purse that question. And then done.
Leaving aside the adventure I imposed on myself, I was spurred to think about people for whom this wasn’t a gimme test and bureaucracies more generally. I do think the test was probably fair in assessing whether people generally understand English. Even if as a native speaker and often test taker, from all my schooling, I could at times ‘see’ the test part of it. I could see how they tried to obfuscate answers and search out knowledge of synonyms and general content knowledge. My more general thought was about how institutional my grade school to high school days were, and how since then, I’ve been privileged in school and work to have more freedom in my day-to-day agency. And how part of that comes from class, and if I were poorer it would be common for me to find myself in more bureaucratic settings and less agency. And if was misfortunate enough to be confined to a hospital or jail I’d have least agency. Essentially the idea that more agency correlates (loosely) with class. (I know the correlation isn’t exact, with high class jobs like government agent or lawyer, but it works when it comes to the knowledge industry.) This triggered more connections (to a recent story I heard about police misconduct in NYC, the trials of middle school, and on, and on) but I’ll cut this tangent short.
So, yes I made it harder on myself. So, yes my country requires the same nonsense (and probably more) to remain in it. Did I find the whole situation abrasive and annoying? Yes. Will it be worth it and I’m lucky to not have to endure tasks like this on a regular basis? Yes!
P.S. Nod and apologies to Dave Sedaris for the title.
